The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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