pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
