Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
