how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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