Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
