Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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