I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
