I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
