I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
