I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
