I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
