ya dads aren't the best wingmen
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
