I need help removing her.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
