ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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