don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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