Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
