Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
