can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You dont lie about slip and slides
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
