I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize