I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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