At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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