haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
