if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
