i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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