Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
