there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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