I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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