how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
