Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
