Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
