How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
