I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
