i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
