You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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