OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
