Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Randomize
