He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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