I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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