You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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