i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
