We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
