New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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