Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
