Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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