My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
