Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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