She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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