everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
