Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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