pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
