also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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