Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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