dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I puked a lego.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
