if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
