a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
