I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
