oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
