another moral hangover. fuck.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
