I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I will pee on everything he values.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
