There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
