I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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