Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
