This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
