I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
