I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
